He said, she said,

And crystal meth.

Jail is fun,

Better than death.

Bumfuck county is holding me,

No fucking clue when I'll be free.

Hillbilly lawyer took all my money,

Cracker judge thinks it's funny.

Textured vegetable protein every way,

Nothing worth eating, filthy tray.

Feeble old men feed the mice,

Punk ass bucks give us lice.

Bloody busted mattress, murder scene,

Accidentally sent dick pix to a teen,

Going upstate, down the river,

But I'm not a taker, I'm a giver.

Roly poly, fat and round,

Wear the blue shirt, be a clown.

Tase me, tase me, put my face in dirt,

I'm going lift your sister's skirt.

How can it be stalking if I own the house?

How can it be harassment when she's a louse!

How can it be assault if I didn't hit hard?

Please answer me that Officer Lard.

Damn motherfuckers shout all night,

Thank God my asshole is still tight...

Smalltown hoodlums, toothless men,

I expect to see you all again!